In the fast paced life of this century there is a constant race among the human beings to reach the zenith. But amidst this fight for a better future there are certain people around us who are trapped in the cruel jaws of their past.
Be it a fearful experience, an abusive past, an accident, sudden demise of a loved one, breakup or any other trauma, some people just cannot come out of the memories of a bygone period.
Recently I have observed a lot of people suffering due to the flashbacks of some tragic past events which is taking a toll in their present life. The main aim behind writing this post is to help people come out of these tragic memories and give a fresh start to their life.
Why is it so difficult to get over a sour memory?
One peculiar thing about the human mind is that we easily forget the memories we wish to keep while those which we want to trash sticks to the brain.
What happens actually is that when we decide to erase or forget an incident we end up thinking about the same over and again. As a result the memory instead of getting erased finds a permanent place in our mind.
You can take your own example; no matter how badly you tried to forget ‘that’ chapter from your past or how intensely you reminded yourself not to ruminate the unpleasant things that took place in you life, in the end you reach the same place where you started. Added with this are the small memories, incidents and certain moments that make it even tough to forget the incidents.
But this does not mean we cannot get over the wounds of the bygone time. All we need is to deal with the situation wisely. It may seem tough but trust me moving on is definitely not impossible.
The Deadly Trio
Often an unpleasant past memory leaves us in the company of a series of emotional turbulence and frustrations. Following three are the most common feelings we have after a tragic event:
i) Anger
If you have been a victim of a crime, an injustice or an illegal act, than getting angry is normal. But if you keep this anger alive for long this anger soon takes the form of grudge which affects you psychologically.
Share your story with a close friend, discuss the issue and if necessary take psychiatric counseling.
ii) Regret
To err is human! We often make mistakes in life which troubles us in our future. If you are cursing yourself for an act which you should or should not have done a few years back, you need to understand that not all decisions we take in this life will be perfect. Learn to live amidst imperfections.
iii) Pain
A brutal accident, a sudden demise of someone close or parting ways with partner can drown us under heaps of pain and sorrow. But there are certain things beyond our control. No matter how hard we try or how sincerely we pray some things will occur as they are meant to occur.
Life has its own way of planning things and we are helpless in this respect. May be this what makes us human and may be this is why we should try to move on.
Strengthen your inner self
Today if you are still fighting with a dark chapter of your past be proud of yourself as you have managed to survive that horrific phase of your life. A lot of people quit in the initial phase itself.
Keep in mind that since the incident did not kill you nothing else can!
Though you may find it tough to cope up with a memory, the truth is that you can very well get your life back provided you have faith in your inner strength. Here it is worth mentioning that getting over any incident is a lengthy process which demands patience and determination.
Try the following techniques to get rid of the past traumas and help yourself to lead a better life:
1) Make a small group
The equation is straight and simple; multiply your happiness and divide your sadness.
Life becomes easier when we have good people to share our experiences. Find a few good and sincere people whom you can count on!
It is true that the real strength comes from within. But sometimes we need external support and motivation in the form of advice and suggestions from friends, mentors and family members.
Take care not to discuss your sorrows with everyone you meet throughout the day. People now-a-days find pleasure in gossiping about others’ problems.
So before sharing your problems be sure that you are sharing with the right person.
2) Understand life
Spirituality is the answer to all your problems! The more you understand the nature of life, more easy it will be to accept the tragedies and move on.
Join any spiritual workshop/program, read good books, watch philosophical and motivational videos on life and have faith in the universe. Try to figure out what exactly is going on and why!
For example Karma plays a very important role in our life. Once you understand the important fundamental concepts of life it will be easier for you to accept your sorrows and give a fresh start to your life.
Meditating every day, regular visit to places of worship, indulging in voluntary activities, helping the poor and deprived can help a lot in giving inner peace.
Let bygones be bygones…
3) Take motivation from real life examples:
Right now if you are struggling hard to erase a memory from your past and cursing your life for this torture, I would advise you to stop doing this.
No matter how tough this may seem, you should know that there are people around you who have suffered more than you.
Today after a dark past if you still have someone’s shoulder to cry and a pillow to hide your face, feel yourself lucky as there are millions of people who are crying alone in the footpaths and under the shades of bus stops.
Again there are people who after battling their tough times came back to normal life all alone. Motivate yourself from these stories and try to move on.
4) Be practical, be patient
Life is uncertain. No matter what comes we need to face it practically. Always remind yourself that things could have been worse…worse than what it is now!
So handle your emotions practically and be matured enough to deal with the situation patiently as broken heart and shattered dreams take time to heal.
5) Unchain
Move away from all those little things, activities that somehow take you back to that horrific time. If possible change your environment and move to a new place for a few days or weeks depending on the intensity of your pain.
Sometimes it becomes tough to start a new life when the things around us constantly drag us back to our past.
6) Psychiatric help
If after trying all the possible strategies you do not see any significant change in your mindset, it is advised to go for counseling from an expert psychiatrist. A lot of people refrain from visiting a psychiatrist as they fear humiliation from the society.
If you are one of them please do not hesitate to take medical help only because your neighbors and colleagues will start gossiping about your ‘illness’.
Do whatever it takes to get you out of this trauma. It is your life. Make it better.
Be sure of one thing: If you are determined to change your life and move on no sorrow or pain can prevent you. It is only because we fall weak in these circumstances that we fail to appreciate our real strength.
Of course it is almost impossible to erase the memories completely but we can at least move ahead and start a new innings in our life.
If you have experienced any past trauma feel free to share it with us. If you have a better solution or remedy on moving on please let us know in the comment section. Who knows, a small advice of yours can change someone’s life!