Nobody in this world is perfect enough to lead a flawless life. You, me or any other person in this planet, no matter how matured or great they are, is bound to make mistakes under different circumstances. It is in fact the rectification of these mistakes that sets the stepping stone of success.
Now having said this let me come directly to the point of this post-Forgiveness. How should we deal with our near ones going off the track and committing big mistakes in life? Shall we put them in front of a canon or handling the situation with ease and delicacy would be a better option?
But he is on a wrong path…
Often we see youths getting diverted to a wrong path due to various reasons. Imagine your brother decides to start a business with someone, you feel/know is a cheat. You tried speaking to him, scolded him, cursed him and in spite of all your efforts finally when he decides to do the same, you feel like detaching yourself from your brother. You seem clueless of what to do next. Subconsciously you want him to fail in the project so as to prove your point right and proudly say “See… I told you he is a fraud…” And by chance if he fails, everyone in the family starts criticizing him for his adamant decision. But is it the right thing to do?
Is it the right time to claim your victory? I guess, no. No because he failed in something which meant a lot to him. (Learn what to do after a failure) Understand the fact that he is in more pain than you or any other member in the family. So pressurizing or criticizing harshly will mentally break him further resulting in disastrous consequences. So the question here arises is how to tackle such issues which are common in our daily lives?
Tackle wisely
When you find people close to you choosing a wrong path, try your best to counsel them on the potential dangers and educate them on the difficulties they may face due this wrong move. Sit with them, discuss the pros and cons of the matter and react maturely. No matter how irritating the discussion may turn up, you cannot afford to lose your temper.
First listen to their points and then explain your perspective in details. If you are lucky, they might change their mind. But if not, then you have to handle the situation more wisely.
Once they have decided to do what they want, you cannot force them to do what you want. In such situations, you being the guardian should behave responsibly. This is the time when they need our support the most, but sad enough, this is where most of us leave our children alone.
Watch their activities, keep an eye on them and maintain a friendly relation throughout. And if they fail, come to them and say with a tight hug “Come on, don’t be sad…i am with you…always” By doing this, you will manage to bring him even more close to you.
How children deviate
Youngsters tend to avoid guardians who annoy them. In other words too much of strictness can kill your relation with the kid. We know how much we love our children but our kids are not matured enough to understand this.
Children, especially the adolescents develop a series of hormonal changes which provokes them to try things which seem exciting to them. In the quest to address their adrenaline rush, they often end up doing things which are injurious to them.
You might have noticed that when kids make mistakes they tend to hide it from parents; same is the case with your child too. But why do they do this? Why is it so tough for them to share with their parents? Don’t be shocked if I say the reason is YOU…yes you! Remember the last time when he came to you with a confession and you sent him away with some scars in his heart?
Most of the parents do this mistake which creates a lot of problems later. The child once scolded will never dare to express his problems with the parents. In such situations children develop friendship with like-minded classmates, playmates or any other kid around them. Soon the friendship grows and the kid finds comfortable in the company of his new friends. Gradually he does not feel the necessity to share things with his ‘over-impulsive’ mom or dad. Problem arises if the gang of friends he chose is not a good one. From silly pranks to serious offenses, youngsters fall in the wrong trap very easily.
We too made mistakes, didn’t we?
Didn’t we make silly and sometimes terrible mistakes in our boyhood? Didn’t we hide a lot of things from our parents? Starting from bunking classes, indulging in unhealthy activities and illegal activities, addictions to falling in love with the wrong person, we too did a lot of immature things during our boyhood days. Gradually with age we learned from our mistakes. So how can we expect our kids to take correct decisions always!
Our duty is to help them take wiser decisions in future with more confidence and experience. If you have faced similar issues, let us know. And please feel free to share your views regarding this topic.
Wonderful advice Tuhin. I don’t have children of my own, but I believe your points are certainly well placed. It’s so important to teach children the value of learning from all of life’s experiences and that just because they make a mistake, does not make them a mistake.
Tuhin — we all make mistakes and it’s important whether you’re a child or adult who makes the mistake is to show compassion. We don’t make mistakes on purpose. Sure, correct a mistake, but do in a way that doesn’t crush the spirit.
I definitely think kids are scared of their parent’s reaction when they make big mistakes. Kids don’t usually get it that parents get upset because they want the best for their kids. And they hate seeing them make choices that aren’t the best or can hurt their own future.
I’ve had lots of friends who have come to me with their “guy problems”. And I’ve had friends who don’t want to admit that they are just with the wrong guy. And, when they don’t want to admit what is going on, there’s nothing I can do but sit and listen. Telling them they are with a guy that is no good doesn’t help at all.
I am the type of person who doesn’t really listen to people unless I do things myself, make a mistake and learn from first-hand experience so my parents try to give me guidance and advice but ultimately let me live my life and if I encounter problems or do something wrong, also help me learn from it.
As children you see your parents as super humans. You value all they say and think they can do no wrong. Their opinion of you matters greatly.
As a parent I expect much from my children as I want the best for them. I am harder on them than my husband. I remember the responsibilities I had in comparison to my daughter- she has it easy by comparison. Our childhoods are very different and I am thankful for that. I am learning to be calm when my children make errors as my comments could impact on their self esteem.
Thank you for posting.
I’m not a parent, but an aunt who was around her niece & nephew from when they were little. I saw a lot of good parenting with my sister and her husband–the one thing that stayed constant was that their kids knew they had unconditional love. So, no matter what errors the parents made (which can’t be helped), the kids had love on their side.
I don’t have children, and have never been responsible for a child. But I DO live with a senior whose focus and abilities are deteriorating, and so I often have to use some of the same skills one would use with a child to help us deal with various situations. Makes life interesting!
Risk-taking is a part of life, and parents should accept that their children are going to take some risks, just like they do. It deeply bothers me when parents “cocoon” their children – no one should be surprised when those children rebel in response.
Like how deep your posts go. Even though I am not a mother yet, but have personally met many, who need to check out your post to understand these basics about parenting. Well written!
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