You might have followed a number of tips and browsed a number of articles on the ways to deal with jealousy. But have you ever looked at the other dimension of the problem? Nobody likes jealous people and it is quite justified for jealousy does no good to anyone. Starting from the offices, schools, colleges and neighborhood to our friend circles and even at home almost every one of us face jealous people and their not-so-music-to-ears remarks in our daily life. Before cursing or coming to any conclusion let us try to understand the psychology of a jealous mind.
While it may seem easier to break the jaws of the people who speak bad of you, it will hardly bring any change in them. Instead I have a better solution to your problem.
The root cause
Why is your colleague jealous of your success? Why does it make your own sister jealous when you get appreciated by your mom? Have you ever thought WHY? Have you ever tried to know what actually makes people jealous? If you observe closely you will find a common sign in all the cases of jealousy- A feeling of Insecurity! Yes, it is this ‘insecurity’ that gives birth to jealousy and it is because of this insecurity that even some of our closest friends and relatives feel jealous of us.
When Jealousy becomes an obsession…
A little bit of jealousy is cute in relationships for it shows that the person cares for us. But things take an ugly turn when jealousy becomes chronic. And as we know prevention is better than care, so it makes sense to speak with your partner and settle the issue before this insecurity becomes an obsession. Often in relationships which lack effective communication and transparency partners tend to surmise a lot of things that actually are way different than reality resulting in doubts, jealousy and misunderstandings.
Understand their problem
Jealous people are not villains as many of us feel. On the contrary they are the people who need your care the most. Psychologists believe that jealousy is the outcome of a man’s low self esteem, fear of losing something or someone valuable and as I have already mentioned, insecurity. So if you are fed up with some jealous people close to you and really want to help them, first you have to be sympathetic toward them and handle the situation delicately. Shouting, cursing and scolding will further complicate the situation. Understand the fact that nobody becomes jealous by choice. It is just that they are helpless in their own way.
i) Encourage them to open up: Speak with them. Try to understand what actually their problem is!
ii) Control your anger: Remember that your anger may take them further away from you. Maintain your calm while dealing with them.
iii) Be sympathetic: If facing jealousy troubles you so much, just imagine how badly the feeling of insecurity might be troubling the poor jealous soul. So help them get out of it.
iv) Do not show off: Congrats if you are a millionaire but this does not mean you should go on counting your money in front of your friend who has just lost his job.
While it is easier to point out flaws in others it is equally tough to realize our own faults:
i) Your best friend’s promotion party, but you are not happy: Though he is your best friend but when it comes to profession you just can’t digest his success.
ii) You secretly wish your girlfriend’s best friend never existed: she talks with that handsome guy who happens to be her good friend and as usual you cannot digest it either. Phew…
iii) You have the class notes but you lied to your friend: All you want is to score more than him.
iv) You do not like your sibling’s best friend: You have this feeling that her best friend is taking her away from you.
It is never too late to wake up. If you knowingly or unknowingly feel jealous about something or someone, it is time you shed off this tendency. This is not going to help you achieve what you want. Instead the more negative you think about someone, the more harm you cause to your own psyche. When we fill our mind with negative thoughts it gradually affects our thought process and soon becomes a part of us. A negative energy that originates inside us first harms us before spreading.
Jealousy is a sign of weakness. If you feel somehow you are jealous of someone, check it before it becomes a habit. Read good books, practice meditation, mingle with people, develop yourself and above all believe in the fact that what is meant to be yours will be yours. So stop wasting your time and energy in negative things.