This is a guest post submitted by Leila Dorari, an entrepreneur, relationship expert and freelance writer from Sydney.
Marriage is one of the greatest commitments that face us in life and at times it is justifiably terrifying to feel like your own marriage is headed down divorce road.
Staying together while maintaining the right balance is not a child’s play! While it is quite natural for marriages and relationships to go through rough patches, but with some sincere efforts, things can soon be brought in track.
My aim behind writing this post is to make you aware about 4 simple yet important equations of a successful married life which are often recommended by divorce lawyers who know and experience on a daily basis the kinds of things that ruin relationships.
Building a lasting relationship is an exercise in building excellent methods of communication between yourself and your spouse. Contemplate marriage as an exercise of two people working together to build a rocket ship. Considering the complexity of the task at hand, it certainly won’t help if both partners can’t understand what the other is saying! A misplaced fuel pod, a section of the fuselage, or an incorrectly calibrated computer can cause the whole endeavor to blow up in your faces!
Couples should work on making sure that they each understand what the other wants and needs. Consider investing in a therapist to help bridge communication divides between one another. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is bottling up emotions and not broadcast them. After all, how is your partner to know they built the rocket’s stabilizer wrong if you don’t tell them because you’re having a bad day? Even if the communication is negative, broadcast it to your partner. It’s far better than no communication at all.
#2 Dangerous Absolutes
The words ‘always’ and ‘never’ are dangerous and used as frequently as ‘literally’ by people often to spice up their talk and help coordinate their thoughts. By using absolutes like all, always, never, none, and just, couples can inadvertently offend one another by creating lingual traps that can make a problem worse.
For example, the statement “Jon, you NEVER listen to me.” creates an absolute position from which Jon feels like any instance of listening in the past is disregarded and considered useless regardless of how good that listening was. Jon is then left defensive since he could feel his effort to amend listening is a fruitless situation. The sentence “Jon, I don’t feel that you listen to me as much as I’d like.” acknowledges Jon’s efforts and creates an opening for improvement. This little change in language use creates a less edgy atmosphere in an argument and a better communication overall.
#3 Be Excellent to Each Other
It’s amazing how many small things come together to make a marriage work. The small things, in this case, are the simple things like thanking each other, leaving little notes for each other, supporting each other’s hobbies, and even just putting the smartphone down when you both go out for coffee.
The general goal of all these little acts of kindness is to create an atmosphere where you both feel supported and appreciated by one another. Make an effort to show one another that you’re not taking each other for granted and it’ll go a long way to prevent a phone call to a divorce lawyer.
Doolan Wagner Family Law Lawyers suggest that you be careful of what you write and how you write it when talking about your spouse with someone else in a text format. In the modern connected world, we increasingly use text methods to communicate with each other and a healthy practice to consider when talking about your spouse with a best friend is to pretend that your spouse can see those messages.
Would your spouse appreciate your scathing comment about their dress sense that day to your best friend? While it might feel invasive, pretending your spouse is reading over your shoulder will go a long way to helping out your relationship. If we push this tip to the extreme, pretend that when you’re writing that message, eventually a divorce court will see it.
These tips may seem obvious when reading over them, but it’s remarkable the frequency with which neglecting these tips can lead to a divorce. Take time to clear up communication with your spouse, try not to paint them and their actions with absolutes, make them feel appreciated, and pretend they’re reading that message you’re typing to your best friend from high school and we hope that you’ll stay out of the statistic of failed marriages.
Good luck, marriage isn’t easy, but it’s much easier when you communicate!
About the Author
Leila Dorari is an entrepreneur and freelance writer from Sydney. She’s passionate about self-growth and living better lives by nurturing our relationships. In her free time you can find her hiking with her furry four-legged friend.